tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39611122012-01-31T17:48:30.491-08:00Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.comBlogger1561100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-39790840986304958082012-01-11T12:07:00.000-08:002012-01-11T12:07:25.389-08:00

Years ago, at the end of a visit, Mom brought me a stack of Weight Watchers propaganda and asked me to read it with an open mind. During the short conversation about why I probably couldn't do that she told me not to blame my genetics for my weight because ..."I've been fighting this all my life." And she has. I have early memories of her sitting at the dining room table nursing a glass of some

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-67416298147546659362011-12-25T13:56:00.000-08:002011-12-25T13:56:33.841-08:00

I sent this to the local paper but never heard back. I sent it kinda late for the holidays so I thought it might not get published. Ah well. I'll just publish it my self.  “The black car is gone again. “ My mother and her mother before her were inveterate neighborhood watchers. They were not really gossip seekers; they were chroniclers of the comings and goings of folks.  When mom is

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-69084090611503194482011-11-29T18:17:00.000-08:002011-11-29T18:17:48.083-08:00

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-81012082438668440152011-11-28T18:56:00.001-08:002011-11-29T18:38:45.227-08:00

I walked into the living room yesterday morning where Mom was listening to the news about another kidnapping. Sigh. When Annamarie was removed from her home it was big news. Her parents were grilled by supercilious morning talk show hosts. A few months later she was returned. She had not lost weight and there was NO coverage. Years later she is still fat. The (cough) experts have never figured

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-78287130344096968112011-11-19T11:10:00.001-08:002011-11-19T12:27:03.474-08:00

Wish I had more time to write this. I'm taking advantage of Mom being busy with something at the table. There was an article about a new cure for obesity and some chatter about it. I've been wanting to add my two cents. Years ago two women from NAAFA were on a Dr Phil. He asked them if they were a pill that could make them thin would they take it. They both hedged. I'm not sure what's happening

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-71672886829282263602011-11-13T09:23:00.001-08:002011-11-13T09:50:57.437-08:00

From time to time I feel lonely and pine for a relationship. But I always know it would be challenging. I've lived alone for too long and I'm set in my ways. If I needed proof I now have the three months a year when Mom visits. I'm happy to have time with her but we are both women who are set in our ways. And her way usually wins. I would always demure to the desires of a guest but with Mom it's

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-13163352808221191542011-11-08T19:06:00.000-08:002011-11-08T19:06:01.441-08:00

Mom will be here tomorrow. I've been cleaning and cooking and oh lord. I'm whipped. I'm not sure how I'll do with this NaBloPoMo rev I've had going. I just know I need to take a shower, get in the Lazy Boy and watch junk.

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-10139603408764384822011-11-07T18:05:00.000-08:002011-11-07T18:05:58.214-08:00

I was going to make use of the NaBloPoMo prompts but I haven't really needed them yet and they aren't that interesting. There was one. If you knew that whatever you ate next would be your last meal what would you want it to be? I always have the same answer. Crusty bread and butter. That's kind of all I have to say but I wrote a bit of a post on the food blog.

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-54692303201230921722011-11-06T18:59:00.000-08:002011-11-06T18:59:18.979-08:00

I was getting some eggs and a woman comes into the aisle. Woman to clerk: Do you have Diabetic Food? Clerk: I guess stuff without sugar would be good. I'm in the coffee aisle. Same woman: Hi how are you? Me: I'm fine thank you. Woman: (pulling a card out of her wallet) I lost thirty pounds and now I work with people. Me: OK. Well don't assume you and I have anything in common. Woman: Oh. Well.

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-2164562535815807462011-11-05T15:27:00.000-07:002011-11-05T15:27:13.299-07:00

Years ago I was assigned Veblen. It was a difficult read and I really didn't get it. I had to write a position paper, which I think reflected my confusion. I guess I wrote it well enough because the teacher smiled as I was reading  and I got an A+ in the class. I vaguely remember Veblen writing about the leisure class always having a big boned woman around doing all the work. I think I made a

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-62974094426681660762011-11-04T19:54:00.000-07:002011-11-04T19:54:39.432-07:00

I think I've written about my back room before. Maybe more than once.  It is the site of an eternal and unwinnable war. I try to keep it clean but it resists. So in the pre-Mom cleaning frenzy I've been working on the back room. I thought I had it wrangled and then... Part of the problem is the boxes. I don't feel like I order that much stuff but I always have boxes. I broke them down the other

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-58741015075250574062011-11-03T19:21:00.000-07:002011-11-03T19:21:52.117-07:00

Way back in the summer I thought I'd write about Drop Dead Diva. I liked the show when it first began. I kept waiting for some representation of fat life that would piss me off but generally speaking I liked it. It's always weird when a show begins with a strange conceit and then ignores that conceit. After the first season the idea that the main character died and came back in another body is

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-67009383546527358502011-11-02T17:55:00.000-07:002011-11-02T17:55:25.962-07:00

I spent a lot of the day listening to live coverage of the general strike from KPFA. I would need some kind of scooter to attend. I feel old and tired. Arm chair activist. It's just the most amazing thing. I particularly like how the movement resists the demands for a statement of intent. What do they want? It seems clear to me. It will be interesting to see how it evolves. Talk about occupying

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-87795323468674130732011-11-01T18:30:00.000-07:002011-11-01T18:30:17.600-07:00

It seems like every time I post I begin with some acknowledgement that I haven't been writing. It's silly. When I blog I feel like I'm walking into a room and talking out loud. There may be other people in the room. There may not. When I go to the pool after a time of not going everyone says some version of "long time no see." I always feel like I need to explain myself. Heh. Jenny is blogging in

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-16210242755391538092011-09-22T17:26:00.000-07:002011-09-22T17:26:39.640-07:00

I had an uncomfortable moment of self awareness yesterday while listening to the Democracy Now live stream from Georgia. I oppose the death penalty because I oppose killing. But I also understand that killing is human. We kill accidentally. We kill in self defense. I have always known that my desire to be a pacifist would be challenged by someone hurting another person, especially someone I love.

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-89142850354873895432011-09-21T14:02:00.000-07:002011-09-21T14:02:43.906-07:00

The Elizabeth Warren Quote Every American Needs To See

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-56754350748376607002011-09-21T14:01:00.000-07:002011-09-21T14:01:53.784-07:00

Oh lordy. Soooo....Facebook made changes. Many freak outs ensued. I can't even say what I think yet except I never feel like I'm seeing everything I want to see. They change things so often. I get something set the way I want it and somehow it gets borked. I set this blog up to link and it never did so I started linking it and then...it worked. I hate the stutter when multiple places (Twitter/

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-80288559604808508262011-09-19T16:11:00.000-07:002011-09-19T16:11:40.364-07:00

First thing this morning I saw that an old friend had left me a message that they remembered me. It really made me smile. Instead of slipping into zoned out game playing I decided to write a blog post. I couldn't get to my blog. I kept getting a warning page. I reached out to Google help and after much back and forth the issue was still not resolved. If you're reading this you either didn't get

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-39327201241309035942011-09-19T09:09:00.000-07:002011-09-19T09:39:14.123-07:00

The week leading up to the ten year anniversary of 9/11 made me tense. Too many flags. Flags that seem to challenge and threaten. Too many Facebook status treats. Jingoist hyperbole coupled with a demand for agreement. Or else.Really.This never works for me. Even if I agree with the status I'm not going to repost it as mine to prove anything. I kept thinking about what happened next. I was

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-25852006679826835912011-08-31T15:22:00.000-07:002011-08-31T19:31:41.575-07:00

I didn't have a lot of friends when I was a kid. It may have been because I was fat. It may have been because my mother forced me to wear saddle shoes and ankle socks. SO not cool. It may have been because I spent too much time with adults and I didn't speak kid very well. When I was about eleven or twelve I lost some weight, changed my name (from Patti to Tish), we moved and I took some control

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-55631521919964164702011-08-16T16:13:00.000-07:002011-08-16T19:15:23.982-07:00

Tom very kindly gave me an Amazon wish certificate for my birthday, which I took a long time to spend. My first impulse was to buy a book from my massive wish list and I don't know why I hesitated. Finally I decided to get some music. ( listed in All Consuming down the page on the left) I am resolved to turning off the news and listening to music for some part of the day. It's not easy. When the

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-30744536220658400262011-06-19T11:13:00.000-07:002011-06-19T18:04:19.379-07:00

I'm not really anti social. My reaction to the difficult emotions of the last eight years has been to withdraw. It's too hard to process the reactions of my friends and family and process my own. But I do love them. Years back I mentioned to a friend that I was becoming a recluse. She said something about me being a recluse with a whole bunch of new on line friends. It was true. I had a long list

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-81986812078787525642011-06-16T16:58:00.000-07:002011-06-16T17:06:32.411-07:00

I did vanity searches on my name and fatshadow the other day. First time in years. I couldn't imagine I had any Google rank at all. There is a band called Fat Shadow. It makes me so sad. I don't own the name and I'm not doing anything with it. That's the thing. I'm not doing anything with it but I did have a band called Fatshadow once upon a time. My name pops a bunch of social media links. Funny

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-19638228150671474682011-06-09T17:35:00.000-07:002011-06-09T19:13:22.859-07:00

So I was walking up the hill today and an ebullient, smiling fellow says to me, "Congratulations!"Uhhhhh....I say, "What for?" He says, "Walking!"OK.I have walked all my life. We didn't have a car when I was growing up and I've never learned to drive as an adult. If I didn't walk, I didn't get there. In the last few years my knees have gotten worse and now I use two canes. I walk less but I still

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-51717977261940466872011-06-07T14:49:00.000-07:002011-06-07T19:36:51.707-07:00

I saw a photo of some posters for the Sims3 area at E3 (a game expo) yesterday. There is one big poster with: Play with bad girls (in large text) and above it another poster reads: choke chain optional. Not OK. The posters are about Pets but it's still not OK. It upset me so much I had bad EA dreams. I think of myself as a sixties kid but I was born in 1953 so all that LeaveItToBeaver

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-16231260109208741102011-06-02T21:03:00.000-07:002011-06-02T22:07:17.471-07:00

For most of my adult life all of my worldly possessions fit into two boxes and a suitcase. I amassed furniture and books and all of the usual detritus and then I'd move and sell most of it. I usually needed the money. I did hold onto one book. I always dreamed of doing pottery. I did take a class and now own two thick bottomed, badly glazed, small pots in which I stash pens and pencils. But I

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-17381890026590211132011-05-27T14:24:00.000-07:002011-05-27T17:06:35.635-07:00

I've been watching the last season of The Tudors. I don't get HBO so I always see these things a long time after they air and there is a long time before I see a new season. From the beginning I was confused by the choice of actors to play Henry and wondered how they would make him fat. I cringe at the idea of a fat suit but they would be using makeup to age him so ... maybe it would be OK. It

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-22582522877906041942011-05-25T19:23:00.000-07:002011-05-25T21:22:29.864-07:00

I have never read the Harry Potter books. I'm sure they're a fun read but I'm not that into fantasy fiction and there are always other books clamoring for my attention. And I've never seen the movies from beginning to end. I've seen most of them in chunks on TV. This weekend there was a marathon and I kept seeing ten or twenty minutes here and there. On Sunday I just kept it on all day. I still

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-19418605993428658102011-05-16T15:42:00.000-07:002011-05-16T18:51:10.290-07:00

I'm listening to a hearing on bullying. Some guy is talking about free speech and the marginalization of people who think being gay is a sin. God forbid.Now a guy is talking about the separation of conduct and speech. Such a lucid rebuttal. Lately I've been thinking about the It Gets Better campaign. It is wonderful and has my complete support but I feel resentful when I see it. I want to start a

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-89972630271770294442011-05-04T20:18:00.000-07:002011-05-04T22:19:40.816-07:00

A sad truth about me is that I'm not really at home in the natural world. I like nature. Even a ride through the Presidio with the smell of Eucalyptus in the air makes me happy in the way only nature can. But I don't want to spend the night in a tent somewhere. This lack of comfort is especially true when it comes to animals. I love them. But I'm a little bit afraid of most of them. Sunday I was

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-46037852740923958452011-03-25T14:55:00.000-07:002011-03-25T16:05:11.062-07:00

In November Lewis Lapham wrote the last Notebook essay for Harpers. He was abstract in his explanation of why but I think he's just doing other things. I've had that issue of Harpers open on my scanner since then because of the last line. I know no other way out of what is both the maze of the eternal present and the prison of the self except with a string of words. At the time I think I had

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-51800657733855467882011-02-10T11:58:00.000-08:002011-02-10T13:11:29.967-08:00

So....I was confused after I watched Glee the other night. Leslie Kinzel wrote a post close to what I might have written. Convenient because she embedded some video and does a break down of the show. I don't have as many issues with the show in general and I like Puck. The possibly redeemable bad boy is always charming to me. Where Leslie and I had the exact same reaction was when the fat girl

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-88302610516879761582011-01-21T09:45:00.000-08:002011-01-21T12:32:38.720-08:00

There was a dust up on a yoga blog about fat people doing yoga and the idea of HAES (health at any size). I won't link it. It isn't interesting. I skimmed it long enough to read the same kinds of things I've been reading for years. One comment stuck in my mind. Something about how a person who weighs 400 pounds can't possibly be healthy. Compared to who? I'm mostly bored with these same old

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-88580021175534584532011-01-13T13:06:00.000-08:002011-01-13T13:51:22.714-08:00

The truth is reading David Foster Wallace has always been a bit beyond my ability. I struggle for every moment of comprehension. I stumbled on Everything and More years ago and thought maybe DFW could guide me through the math. I've made several attempts to read the book. I fail. I got Fate, Time and Language for Christmas and opened it with the combination of delight and dread I always feel. I

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-68748113889270310202011-01-09T10:18:00.000-08:002011-01-09T11:33:29.965-08:00

I wrote yesterday's post before the news from Arizona. I was trying to describe the balancing act I find myself in when absorbing news and my desire to be less miserable. I noted my use of detachment. And then the news came in and I was shocked. But I quickly moved on to ... I don't even know what. It was much later after hours of news that I started to internalize the event. Mom and I recently

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-25015233237633019972011-01-08T09:38:00.000-08:002011-01-08T09:58:36.568-08:00

Falling from the sky. Dieing en masse. Going missing. It's all so end of the world. Mom and I were sitting in the living room yesterday and my chair moved. The plant next to me shook. I waited, hoping Mom hadn't noticed but she said, " what was that?" The table shaking gave it away. It was a small earthquake. No damage. Mom has been here when there was a similar shake and she didn't notice. This

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-78814798476515742532011-01-03T09:44:00.000-08:002011-01-03T12:39:17.700-08:00

I reread a book by David Foster Wallace recently. For most of his books that would be a feat but this is a small book in which the publisher has broken a commencement speech he gave into small chunks. His writing is usually a wall of words. He is the only writer who compels me to read the footnotes. So reading him as aphorism is already disorienting. The text of the book has been posted but the

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-22123018915923733182011-01-01T09:45:00.000-08:002011-01-01T21:19:14.584-08:00

It's the first of the year and popular culture is pushing diet and exercise. Same thing every year. I was struck by something I heard on the news the other day. Not the content really but the way it was articulated. A woman died while having Liposuction. It's not unusual. It happens. Someone said the woman wanted to appear healthy. It may have been her husband. In the article I link the

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-91162300167781202802010-11-07T11:19:00.000-08:002010-11-07T12:43:42.897-08:00

Every time I hear the words: the American people, I cringe. Voter turn out in this midterm was higher than former midterms and was still under fifty percent of eligible voters. If any message was sent by the American people it was silence. Whether that silence is about disenfranchisement or exhaustion is not clear to me. While I was voting a fellow came in saying he thought he had registered but

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-39846711166321021362010-10-29T12:05:00.000-07:002010-10-29T13:34:25.838-07:00

I wasn't going to write about the fat hating blogger because hate is hate. Not much more to say. Anyone who has read comments on posts about fatness knows that this kind of hatefulness is out there. Read the comments on her post. Hate and hate and more hate. Her apology is completely disingenuous. She "never wanted to be a bully" but those people are really fat. Oh, and she used to be anorexic.

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-86292084162063454652010-10-24T09:59:00.000-07:002010-10-24T11:10:48.695-07:00

I tense up when listening to recent discussions on bullying. The focus right now is on the suicides of Gay teens who have been bullied. I am sad and angry when I hear about anyone being bullied. But there's a part of me that wonders why there's no national out cry when fat kids commit suicide. If there is discussion about it the focus rabidly shifts to weight loss. There have always been and

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-19157747538317902792010-10-23T12:57:00.000-07:002010-10-23T13:37:29.393-07:00

The main difference between the last time I was unemployed and this time is my unemployment check. Just having some money coming in keeps the misery level down. But even if money was not an issue I can't keep living in a zone. The last time I was unemployed I had been in school and writing. The impulse to write was powered up. I had a daily blog practice, both reading and writing. Working at EA

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-84865062334593675822010-09-26T09:17:00.000-07:002010-09-26T12:59:40.344-07:00

Many years ago a friend sent me some tapes of the Gilmore Girls. She was convinced I would love the show. She was right. I loved the cultural hipness, the town full of characters, the mother daughter relationships and maybe most of all I loved how many fat people were in the show. There were fat people and I only remember one fat joke in all of the episodes.I especially loved Suki. Suki was the

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-87076438917058778932010-09-11T09:45:00.000-07:002010-09-11T11:22:44.668-07:00

I read an epistolary interview of J.M. Coetzee in Harpers in which he talks about psychology. He accepts the notion that understanding one's past makes it possible to let go of the impact of past events, although he refers to it as a touching idea of Freud's and notes that it does not seem demonstrably true. He think it might be more useful to pay more attention to mood. I smiled when I read it.

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-72443676259660546692010-08-03T23:03:00.000-07:002010-08-03T23:41:15.401-07:00

There's a man living in my building. Or maybe not my building but maybe the building that adjoins mine. I hear him at night. He makes a loud noise that sounds like a crying out of some sort. The first time I heard him I listened harder worried that he was hurt. The noise sounded like it could be coming from someone in pain. It's not really a groan. It's a loud release of sound. So the first time

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-54451132002546970362010-07-09T09:48:00.000-07:002010-07-09T10:28:28.227-07:00

I've been going through my blog roll again trying to knock it down to something I can actually get through. I am failing. As fast as I delete I add. I'm trying to use some kind of common sense. If I'm not reading someone and they aren't reading me then ... but I'm too attached. I finally canceled my WoW account. I've haven't played in more than a year. The last few times I tried to play I ended

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-36134471068532558072010-07-06T10:38:00.000-07:002010-07-06T10:56:22.874-07:00

When days and days go by and I don't write my inner nag begins to poke and question. I used to write about the political news of the day but now I often wonder if it's useful. There is almost nothing but opinion out there. Friends post and link to fear laden articles about the worst possible outcomes. It's all Armageddon. Others post and link to positive action based stuff. Hard to want to

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-78820690106123986042010-07-06T08:58:00.000-07:002010-07-06T10:21:47.918-07:00

Yeah. I am so boring that all I have to write about is television. So. Second episode of Huge. There are things to like. I've been reading other fat activist commentary and reaction, some of which given without a viewing of the show. There is the fundamental issue of how fat positive can a show about a diet camp be and I am with that concern. But I also think that the show is portraying some of

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-55802691566772271852010-06-29T14:15:00.000-07:002010-06-29T14:50:37.280-07:00

I was really looking forward to Huge. The commercials were pretty great. There were things that I liked very much not the least of which was how many young fat actors now have jobs. I thought they created some interesting relationships and portrayed a variety of characters. It's a little hard for me to understand how they're going to maintain the fat rebel character when she's choosing to remain

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-52618355731043699492010-06-03T17:01:00.000-07:002010-06-03T18:30:34.483-07:00

April linked this on Facebook.In the morning we awaken loaded down with the weight of entropy and sleep. Our natural response is to turn over and go back to sleep and put off the crisis of stepping out into the world. Perhaps the promise of something better gets us up onto our feet. Most acts of engagement require an effort of will, desire and an emotionally charged image of how things

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-84866839442089527782010-06-02T19:06:00.000-07:002010-06-02T19:51:19.892-07:00

I got a new computer. It's a very happy thing but it doesn't have a floppy drive. I guess those are being phased out. I was going through floppy discs looking for my book and I could NOT find it. I have some hard copies and there's a copy at U.S.F. I tried to let it go. Today I made one more effort to find it and ... it was on the first disc.In the days between giving up and finding it I've been

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-7016768282192226852010-05-29T07:39:00.001-07:002010-05-29T11:12:04.063-07:00

I've had a few moments-of-fat lately. Some positive and some not. The not list begins with a local news/entertainment show on which I saw a doctor who works with the AIDS ride. She was telling a story about a woman who went to her doctor reporting sudden and extreme weight loss. The doctor asked why she was worried because everyone wanted weight loss. She had the good sense to go to another

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-87884207298065746142010-05-15T12:12:00.000-07:002010-05-15T13:06:25.718-07:00

If I get irritated watching Oprah I have no one to blame but myself, especially if she's talking about weight loss. I have the bad habit of using the television as background noise and I was flipping through the channels the day she had Geneen Roth talking about her new book. Oprah is talking about the book like it's fill of new ideas. It's not.Many of the ideas in the book are the ones that I

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-42187348932229740032010-05-15T09:14:00.000-07:002010-05-15T11:20:37.566-07:00

"Rather, a loner troubled by longings, incapable of finding a suitable language and despairing at the impossibility of composing messages in a playable key -- as if I no longer understood the codes used by the estimable people who wanted to hear from me and would have so much to reply if only the impediments were taken away." - Saul Bellow. Bellow wrote that in a letter to Cynthia Ozick. I read

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-14616644994156513162010-05-11T10:09:00.000-07:002010-05-11T11:13:17.158-07:00

Before the job swallowed me I spend every morning listening to KPFA, reading blogs and writing my daily post. I've been trying to get that grove back with no success. I tend to write posts later in the day now and I rarely read anyone. It's not that I don't read because I'm not interested. I'm just still relatively caved in emotionally. And also, it's overwhelming.This morning I tried to get

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-38177161034964485762010-05-09T08:57:00.000-07:002010-05-09T11:58:27.630-07:00

I have written reactions to the ways in which fat people are represented on television in the past. These days I struggle with "what's the use" and I have to push though it.The other night I was watching Grey's Anatomy. The show began with the doctors being lectured about sensitivity. As the first patient arrives at the emergency entrance it becomes clear why. The patient is an extremely fat man

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-45787843230894815062010-05-06T10:46:00.000-07:002010-05-06T12:56:28.005-07:00

I did some yoga today. I'm stiff and my breathing is ... well ... I'm barely breathing. I managed one breath deep enough that it hurt. I imagine that part of my lungs hasn't expanded in a few years. When I was young and tried to do exercise that I hadn't done in awhile I would be able to do it. I might feel stiff or achy afterward but I could do it. Not now. I have no range of motion, no stamina.

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-37029279911018360632010-04-25T14:40:00.000-07:002010-04-25T16:33:30.108-07:00

I like to think of myself as tech savvy. Maybe I should say tech savvy-ish because there are huge gaps in my knowledge.I downloaded music for the first time today. Six songs. Six bucks.What Can I Do? - AntonyI Will Internalize - Martha WainwrightYou Are The Everything - REMGotta Have You - The WeepiesIn My Arms - Teddy ThomsonStarlight _ The Wailin JennysI'm enjoying them. We got a MP3 player

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-15661480568809458352010-04-22T13:01:00.000-07:002010-04-22T14:22:40.554-07:00

There's something about the way I play the Sims that I think is peculiar.I play with the aspirations in mind. I mostly make family and learning Sims which seems congruous with how I understand myself. I like community and learning. Popularity and fortune Sims annoy me but I make a few of each of them. Superficial friendship and money. Not my thing but I pair them with a family Sim and they add

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-13812748590623748772010-04-21T15:07:00.000-07:002010-04-21T16:29:27.687-07:00

I started blogging after I'd graduated from my BA program. I was exhausted from running my coffee cart at school and attending classes. I wasn't sure what I was going to do next. I started poking around in the blogging world and decided to try it. It was always about trying to write but it became about being part of a community. I said something during that time about feeling reclusive and my

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-83443742176061547722010-04-16T20:57:00.000-07:002010-04-16T21:14:40.422-07:00

Wow.I decided to change the Blogger feed to FB. This one updates through Twitter feed so I switched to the Food Blog. Maybe they'll both update now.Anyway. I noticed that the food blog had a place for titles, something I hadn't been able to find on this blog and needed to use for the Facebook notes feed. I decided to update my template.One false click.I mean they warn you that you'll loose all

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-25574238424579327502010-04-04T19:35:00.000-07:002010-04-04T20:21:17.227-07:00

I did all of the things I thought I was supposed to do to connect the food blog with Facebook but no luck. I'm trying not to care. Facebook seems really buggy. Or maybe I'm buggy. I did three check ins with Four Square the other day and only one showed up. It looks like I never leave my house, which is close to true but not totally true. It's silly for me to use Four Square since I don't go out

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-27401102803743894472010-03-26T19:52:00.000-07:002010-03-26T20:11:23.580-07:00

I'm going to try and write a food blog. Let's see how it goes.

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-90305311921726755202010-03-21T16:53:00.000-07:002010-03-21T20:10:32.039-07:00

Friday night I was playing with my Cafe World restaurant and noticed that there was a new menu item but it was only available if you were in Mafia Wars. I was immediately irritated. There is another menu item that you can only get if you're in the email club. Also irritating.Two things that have been so loathsome on the Internet that software was designed to destroy them: pop-ups and spam.

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-50480236203301916082010-03-14T20:15:00.001-07:002010-03-14T20:17:31.533-07:00

BeautyOriginally uploaded by fatshadow1008

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-60670818014789378662010-03-14T20:01:00.001-07:002010-03-14T20:14:32.698-07:00

Grocery stores put things by the cash register to educe impulse purchasing. It's smart marketing and sometimes fun. Yesterday I bought the new Tricycle. I love magazines. I have purchased Tricycle in the past, usually because there's something I want to read in it. This was all about the cover. The peace and tranquility in that face captured my imagination.The bagger made a comment about it and a

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-26273487835716713022010-03-11T18:55:00.000-08:002010-03-11T19:07:56.980-08:00

Started Wednesday with a nice swim. Came home for breakfast and then went to see Barbara for a great adjustment. The sun was out. The sky was clear. All was well. And then ... I sat down and did something weird to my knee.I really don't know how I did it. There wasn't anything fancy about the way I sat down but as I did the back of my knee seemed to rip. Mom leaves a cane here, fortunately. I've

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-34965649108181071342010-03-08T18:32:00.000-08:002010-03-08T18:57:49.629-08:00

At EA I worked with mostly young men who weren't that into the doll house aspects of The Sims. They would use the money cheat to mac out a house and play parties and they killed Sims in every possible way. I'd venture to say that the many ways there are to kill a Sim are well tested. It kind of irritated me but these days my game play is all about killing Sims. I'm not trying to set them on fire

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-86744075108955587132010-02-28T15:32:00.000-08:002010-02-28T17:00:16.059-08:00

Clean the kitchen week did not go that well. I got distracted by too many things. The goal is to do really deep cleaning, which means taking a gazillion things off the butcher block and wire shelving so I can sweep and mop under them. In the process all the stuff I take off gets cleaned. This is my favorite kind of cleaning. Everyday cleaning makes everything look better but deep cleaning makes

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-12409644711753294862010-02-27T10:09:00.000-08:002010-02-27T10:32:13.976-08:00

Mom said they read my comment with no commentary. My biggest fear was that they would take parts of it out of context, or say something snarky about it. By eight o'clock they hadn't read it and I wanted to get to the pool. I knew I could hear it on the internet, which I did after my swim. He didn't read the whole comment but he did read it well, gracefully smoothing a place where I'd dropped a

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-65584948132151467352010-02-25T08:49:00.000-08:002010-02-26T07:42:18.738-08:00

A few days ago I mentioned posting a comment on a piece by Scott Simon. Today I got email from a producer for the show. They want to read my comment on the air. I'm torn between being happy and being completely freaked. Freaked because I don't know if they will read the whole comment or just part of it. If only part, which part? And to what end?Needless to say ... I will be listening this weekend.

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-79606226143936698562010-02-24T18:37:00.000-08:002010-02-24T19:33:36.146-08:00

Theoretically this will post directly to Facebook because I hooked up Twitterfeed. (Thank you Willa.) It might not work and the post may show up twice because of the other hook up I have. Hopefully I'll get it together. I'm not sure why I care. It's not like I'm doing any particularly compelling writing. I'm pushing myself to do some. I'm pushing to do some every day.It's funny but linking to

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-59334734999822900422010-02-23T18:40:00.000-08:002010-02-23T19:53:43.202-08:00

There will be a debate on Nightline titled: is it OK to be fat? You can watch it here. It took me all day to get through it because of the rage that would well up. I had to keep taking breaks. It was previewed on GMA.The rage was mostly triggered by one of the woman saying it was not OK. I saw her on CNN the other day and Paul Campos wrote a bit about her in which he linked more info. I can

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-76359104150365245892010-02-22T19:17:00.000-08:002010-02-22T19:57:48.046-08:00

I linked a piece from Kevin in which he was saying he didn't want to talk about the Southwest thing anymore. He has written more. The whole thing seemed to have died down on the news but then Saturday I heard Scott Simon talking about it. I like Mr. Simon well enough but there were so many things in what he said that bugged me. He doesn't want to be behind a fat person in an evacuation. I suspect

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-51638379980884734092010-02-21T19:20:00.000-08:002010-02-21T19:45:20.141-08:00

Once when Mom and I were shopping she decided to get some tangerines. These tangerines had leaves on the stems, which she started pulling off. I asked her to stop.This is a difference between Mom and I. The tangerines will sit on my kitchen table for the week in a blue bowl. I will enjoy the smell of them and I will enjoy the orange and blue colors together. The leaves add an element of beauty.

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-2423725202901163192010-02-19T19:35:00.000-08:002010-02-19T19:46:47.354-08:00

I've been in a soft kind of paralysis most of the day. I went swimming at 6:00. Came home and ate some eggs and toast. Drank some tea. And then ... I just sort of ground to a halt.I wasn't in pain, or sleepy. I was just void of course. I couldn't read or even play on the computer. I watched a movie I'd already seen and the end of another, which was pretty good. I wasn't even fully watching. I was

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-47751083718595288892010-02-18T14:22:00.000-08:002010-02-18T14:35:15.265-08:00

In an effort to get my blogging on I am going through the blog roll. It's bringing back memories. I used to start every morning reading blogs. My blog roll was and still is a bit unwieldy so I'm cutting it down. I don't know how much I can do but I have the time that I didn't have when I was working at EA.I've been hanging back. Trying not to get back in the mix. I guess I'm afraid that I can't

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-7703333007057487752010-02-18T08:33:00.000-08:002010-02-18T11:06:33.486-08:00

I've been playing with my Sims. Even after days of working on the game I always enjoyed playing with my own Sims. If we were doing a lot of overtime I usually didn't play much but most of the time I played on weekend mornings.I still play Sims 2. I have a lot of investment in what I've been doing with my community and, although I love a lot of things about Sims 3, the game play changed in ways

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-71830309364473466832010-02-16T18:09:00.000-08:002010-02-16T19:32:59.213-08:00

I'm going to try this again. The theory is that when I write on Blogger it will show up on Facebook. It is showing up but when other people do this you can click and go to the full post. Not sure why that didn't kick in for me.I also updated my Twitter this morning and that's supposed to show up as my status, which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. Today it didn't. I wish Facebook would

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-11732119254707008992010-02-15T18:45:00.000-08:002010-02-15T20:01:11.252-08:00

Picture me slumped in a chair pouting because that's pretty much what I'm up to these days. I keep trying to write. Writing usually begins with some internal dialog that becomes more and more organized. My internal dialog is messy and annoying and never really comes together into anything useful.And then Kevin Smith got kicked off of a Southwest flight because of his weight. I don't need to link

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-82455145294087800962009-09-27T18:48:00.000-07:002009-09-27T19:42:55.219-07:00

The years of unemployment shook my faith in myself. I got lots of support on my blog but I was also attacked. If you choose to write in public you need to be able to process stuff like that.I lost a few friends. To some extent I have processed all of it. In other ways I might might never let the hurt go.I'm sad. And I'm embarrassed to be sad. Sadness feels like failure.There are reasons. Sadness

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-77539875549706819472009-09-20T18:34:00.000-07:002009-09-20T18:53:06.685-07:00

Three posts in one day. Is it a trend? I dunno. Doubt it.Plants are watered. Back room is still a mess. Apartment is generally cleaned up. Paperwork done. What can be packed for lunch has been packed. Swim bag is packed. It's as good as it's gonna get and it's good enough.Posts for the rest of the week could all read like this.Woke up.Ate cereal.Went swimming ( Monday, Wednesday and Friday)Got

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-68078029331262041662009-09-20T11:05:00.000-07:002009-09-20T12:45:54.355-07:00

Interesting. I spent more than an hour updating my blog roll in a failed attempt to make it more manageable. And that was without much reading. I deleted blogs that don't seem to be on anymore. And some that I liked but knew I might not read regularly. It was surprisingly emotional. I was flooded with memory.I can barely imagine getting it together to write anymore. Even with a reduced blog roll

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-5155851644924247852009-09-20T09:16:00.001-07:002009-09-20T09:27:37.521-07:00

Last week was difficult. No matter how hard I work I never feel like it's enough. I leave work emotionally, physically and mentally drained most of the time.So. I do not write.Facebook sometimes feels like blogging. And lately I've been connecting with old friends there. They find me or I find them. Something about that has made me want to communicate. I just rarely feel like I have much to

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-21669405616554496922008-09-29T09:49:00.000-07:002008-09-29T10:07:57.641-07:00

I'm just ridiculously bad at this now. Sigh.I had an idea to make this be my main blog and redirect things here and I was all wound up about it but ... really ... the reasons I haven't done it yet are boring and long winded. And not being able to do it frustrated me. And that combined with a short but nasty illness and a manic bout of reorganizing and cleaning. And I just shut down. Sigh. Again.

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-49523536899086774202008-08-22T21:39:00.001-07:002008-08-22T21:54:45.897-07:00

I'm feeling so many emotions right now. I can't quite parse them. Or articulate themMy little open secret writing project has been discovered. Which is quite all right with me. And Jackie left a very nice comment on the old blog. (If you're reading Jackie, thank you! And. Excellent timing!) A nice antidote to the snarky comment I mentioned the other day.Really wonderful people have been leaving

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-78938895633652122002008-08-22T09:00:00.001-07:002008-08-22T10:22:35.444-07:00

There was a cartoon in a New Yorker in which a beatnik looking dude is telling someone that all you need to do to be a writer is gather your internal angst and write a diet cookbook. I'm paraphrasing but that was the drift. I carry breakfast and lunch to work. I get home too late for dinner. Sometimes I eat toast. Breakfast is some kind of fruit and some muffin, bagel, scone type thing. Summer

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-34479234959913969732008-08-17T19:14:00.000-07:002008-08-17T20:01:18.420-07:00

When A and I were having dinner she ran into a friend. When she introduced me she said I was a writer. It's dopey to argue about stuff like that but I blanched internally. I don't think you're a writer unless you write. And I'm having trouble writing email.Shortly after that I was talking to K about some ideas for moving the site and he mentioned blogger. And. So. Then. I decided to write here on

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-2879245874699095672008-08-14T16:02:00.000-07:002008-08-14T16:10:16.001-07:00

I had a very pomo moment yesterday. I was playing a game at work.Well.That is my job.The thing is I wasn't playing the game I'm supposed to be playing. We're a little slow right now and I was bored. I had an hour left in the day and I knew the time would sail by if I could play a game. But I was worried that someone would see. In truth, I don't think any one would care. We're all about games

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-1913793012757653252008-08-05T09:31:00.000-07:002008-08-05T09:57:35.082-07:00

On Friday when I got off the train there were no buses or cabs. That happens on Fridays. There are too many people in the city and things get messed up. I stood on a corner that allows me to see two different bus stops and watched for who would come first. A bus that doesn't usually stop at one of those stops was letting people off. I didn't think he'd let anyone on but he did. As we rode up

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-12835512790140815872008-08-04T12:21:00.000-07:002008-08-04T12:43:35.849-07:00

I sat near the couple with the matching barrettes the other day. The fact that I had written something about them made me nervous. Of what? Can't say.There are people I see every day. We travel in parallel tracts and don't acknowledge one another. Recording an observation made me feel more intimate with them somehow. Silly, because it's all happening in me. The observation. Even the recording. It

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-45302230648532267362008-07-24T09:32:00.000-07:002008-07-24T13:39:54.542-07:00

There is a young man on my bus most mornings. I noticed him because he reads a lot and I'm always curious to see what people are reading. A month or so ago he started traveling with a young woman. They usually get off the bus and walk ahead of me to the corner and the street light.I wonder if they met on the commute. The relationship seems new. At first he was always curled towards her. Just so

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-6771224614941361212008-07-24T09:24:00.000-07:002008-07-24T09:26:20.877-07:00

So now a few days go by and I can't get it together to write and I begin to feel like a failure and then more days go by.

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-75817677679600982302008-07-15T19:36:00.000-07:002008-07-15T20:08:23.576-07:00

Sometimes I spend what feels like hours waiting for the game to load. I try to organize things so that I have something to do while I wait but it's not always possible. The whole time I kept thinking I could be writing a post. But every time I'd decide to go for it the phone would ring, or an email would come,or new data would be announced. Truth be told, I didn't have a thing to say.Tonight I

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-63144291297503161862008-07-13T17:06:00.001-07:002008-07-13T20:36:40.642-07:00

This has been interesting. I find myself checking for comments. The reason for starting off here is to write without concern for who reads, or doesn't read. But writing in a public space is writing that actively seeks a reader. And old habits die hard.I'm not sure it would matter if I wrote on my blog. I see I've been taken off a few blog rolls, which isn't surprising. I'm not sure anyone checks

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-54778334152376246622008-07-11T08:52:00.000-07:002008-07-13T12:54:48.277-07:00

Yesterday the bus never showed up. A drag but not a huge problem. At the train station the conductor opened the doors early so I got in my favorite seat and curled up for my nap. Then he announced that we had to get off the train and get on another. Once we were moving they made an announcement that we would be running slow and may be late because of some track issues. We arrived ten minutes late

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-3313214281264164902008-07-09T20:07:00.000-07:002008-07-09T20:34:46.286-07:00

For the first time in over two years of taking the train I slept through my stop this morning. It wasn't a big deal because I got off at the next stop and made my way back. I'm pathologically early so I had plenty of time. It was just weird.And then the train at night almost didn't stop at the station. There must have a been some kind of space out zone in San Carlos today.

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-38871359753894420782008-07-08T20:00:00.000-07:002008-07-08T20:17:15.438-07:00

On the other hand. My commute is an endless source of tales to tell. Most of which would reveal me to me a cranky ol' somebody. But there are those moments.I caught the bus I like the best tonight. I always take two buses but one route is two short rides and the one I caught tonight is one long ride and one short one. I can settle in and read. Tonight I was immersed in a short story but it was a

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-5485144271363725422008-07-08T08:52:00.000-07:002008-07-08T09:06:31.904-07:00

A writer I knew once told me that she started by 'writing off the dross'. She just started writing about anything without editing or concern for the quality of the writing. At some point she'd settle in and begin working more seriously. Sometimes she'd keep the first writing and sometimes she'd dump it. I want to think that's what I'm doing now. If I think about it too much I begin to tense up.

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3961112.post-29942794069277971102008-07-07T09:01:00.000-07:002008-07-07T09:22:35.825-07:00

I love my apartment on Monday mornings. All the surfaces are clear. By Friday they're filled with dishes drying, mail unprocessed and the general detritus of day to day life. Three days felt like quite a lot but still not enough.This is the first time I have written at work. I'm always here early. I drink my tea and eat my fruit and muffin. Get the new data. Read the news. I ought to be able to

Tishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16387565302124813118noreply@blogger.com0