Kissing

I wasn't going to write about the fat hating blogger because hate is hate. Not much more to say. Anyone who has read comments on posts about fatness knows that this kind of hatefulness is out there. Read the comments on her post. Hate and hate and more hate. Her apology is completely disingenuous. She "never wanted to be a bully" but those people are really fat. Oh, and she used to be anorexic. She doesn't hate fat people she just doesn't want to be fat.

Sigh.

The creator of the show writes that he was hurt and sad for his friends (the stars of the show) who would read such horrible things being said about them. I wonder why he isn't hurt and sad every time he listens to them do the self hating dialog in the show. He says the fat jokes were going to go away as the show evolved but it's hard to take that seriously because all of the people on the show are targeted. Clearly the writers think making fun of people is funny.

No one is making the connections that seem obvious to me. The show sets the standard for the ideas about fat people. Nothing the blogger wrote is worse than many of the jokes I heard in the two episodes I watched. I've already written about my disappointment in the show.

So why am I writing about it? Because some of the people who read me don't really get that fat hatred is real. I remember talking to a teacher about it and seeing her expression change from interest to one of wondering if I might need meds. I told her a few of the things that had been said to me and her expression changed again to one of shock. She had no idea. But I doubt she gave it much more thought.

Pattie wrote a great post about Love Your Body day. I love the affirmation.

I am so fat.

Yes.

I too am so fat.

I can count the times I've seen a serious kiss between fat people on TV or in a movie. I remember them because they were a shock to my system. I was filled with the kind of conflict a person has when what they want to be true is so rarely portrayed.

I remember people being uncomfortable seeing Gay people kiss. There was lots of chatter about the kiss on Modern Family. I remember when seeing people of color kiss freaked people out.

Representation matters.

And where is NAAFA? Was there a press release I missed? There is a protest happening. Very cool.

I feel angry. I feel like I've been angry for such a long time. The haters don't make me as angry as the very nice people who don't get it. Hate is hate.

The Fat Kids

I tense up when listening to recent discussions on bullying. The focus right now is on the suicides of Gay teens who have been bullied. I am sad and angry when I hear about anyone being bullied. But there's a part of me that wonders why there's no national out cry when fat kids commit suicide. If there is discussion about it the focus rabidly shifts to weight loss.

There have always been and continue to be people who think being Gay is a choice. My personal view is that sexuality is a spectrum. People may be on one end of the spectrum but most of us are at some point along the middle and it's not a fixed point. We all make choices. So? Pushing toward the idea that being gay is biological is a way of pathologizing choice. When a person who has been in a straight relationship begins a Gay relationship the narrative is about them finally realizing the truth. Why do we need these strict definitions? Why do we squelch variance?

I firmly believe the fat revolution is constantly subverted by the believe that all fat people can be thin if they would only eat less and exercise more. How much less? How much more? It varies. And what if someone prefers to eat what they want and move when they want and as result they are fat? Again we prefer to simplify. Being fat is biological. Everything we are is biological. But we also make choices.

My personal experience is that I can lose weight but I can never get to thin. I never made a choice to be fat but I have made the choice to not eat or exercise with the intent to be thin. I eat for nourishment and pleasure. I exercise because it feels good. And I'm fat. It begins in biology and continues with choice.

Yesterday when I was going through the blog roll I opened a formally fat revolution blog and read that the woman was going to have the surgery. For a few minutes I searched to find how she got to that choice but ultimately I deleted the link. Hope that works out. The evidence suggests that it won't but ... it's her body and her choice.

I watch the faces of people who are so sad about the bullied kids and some part of me is angry because I believe those same people will encourage fat kids to lose weight. They won't support the bully but they will make the solution be to change the fat kid.

I'm glad there is a narrative in which Gay youth are encouraged to accept themselves. I just wish it would include the fat kids.