Flailing

 Rage. 

Grief. 

Concern. 

Somehow, I managed to read a chapter of my book. It was hard to break away from the news. I'm not sure why. It had already happened. 

There were so many people in the streets.

I chose to stay with my feelings today. I could feel my brain filling up with expletive laced bombast. Nothing wrong with that but it felt like flailing. 

Rage.

We had a right taken away by the court. They did a lot of that right after Jim Crow. 

Grief.

I feel violent. 

We have an Abortion Access fund in the Pacific Northwest Fund. I had no idea. It's a problem. If it's not an issue that matters to you it lives in the shadows. I know now.  

Ramble

 This little chunk missing from my knee is annoying. Knees bend so the bandage keeps pulling away. I just redid the whole thing and it looked great. For a few minutes. It hurts a little bit every once in a while, but it's not a big deal. Just annoying. 

The last piece of cake is on the counter. Probably a little dry. I'll eat it later. 

I am 69 years old. But 69 is one of those numbers that makes middle school kids giggle. I'm just going to say I'm 70. I'll be 70 for two years. I feel like I might need that long to accept being 70. 

The hearing is on. It is scathing. 

I got HBO +. Reluctantly. I don't want to pay for more streaming services. But I wanted to see the documentary about the Jane collective. Which was really good. And then I saw the series based on the Elena Ferranti books referred to the Neapolitan Quartet. The HBO series is called: My Brilliant Friend. Movies and TV series made from books (particularly favorite books) are a worry. But this series is amazing. 

I am reading The Love Songs of W.E. Du Bois. There is a young woman in the book and young women in the TV series. I keep getting confused because I'm always worried about someone, but I don't always remember who, or why. 

Heh. 

Blood, Books and Cake

 I had a nice birthday, but it started off a little weird. I was using a reacher (you know those things old people use to pick things up) to pull up my pant leg and somehow (I really don't know how) it snagged my knee and tore out a big piece. There was blood pouring down my leg. I grabbed my Kleenex, which was the only thing close by and tried to compress the area but there was too much blood. I finally got it to slow down and got to the bathroom. I got a paper towel and managed to use it to apply compression and put two bandaids (I only have Hello Kitty bandaids) in a way to stop the bleeding. There was blood everywhere. All over me. All over the floor. 

Sheesh. 

I think I was in a little bit of shock. Mandy was on her way. 

The rest of the day was mellow. Mandy brought lunch. She'd been able to get me the cake I wanted (all I want is a simple chocolate cake but (as I mentioned in an earlier post) Trader Joes thinks chocolate cake is seasonal. I'm not a fan of butter creme and finding cake with fudge icing is (oddly) difficult. But she got me one and brought lunch and a stack of books. Cleaned up the blood. 

Another friend had given me flowers from the farmer's market and a cool wall hanging. Another sent me books. Kristina (of course) Sent five books from a series called object lessons. I'm a big fan of sets. 

So, I'm book rich and cake sated. Recovered from my blood loss. 

Older.   

Celebrate

 It's a weekend full of celebration. 

I saw a video on TikTok suggesting that Sylvia Rivera had been booed off the stage at the first Pride Parade. I did some research, and it seems that she was booed off a stage, but it was at a Christopher Street Liberation rally a few years later. She interrupted a speech that was critical of drag queens. There's actually a lot of confusion about her. She is sometimes given credit for being at Stonewall and some say she wasn't there. But she was an important part of those times and the beginnings of Gay Liberation. I need to read more. 

There is video of her being booed. It's frustrating. Contention always seems to rise up.

I love Pride. I'm always going to support the celebration of liberation. And. There are a lot of problematic parts. Lots of commercialization. Corporate sponsorship. 

Similarly, this year Walmart lost their mind and made Juneteenth ice cream. Also, paper plates and cups, which might be useful but...uh...no.  

There is a conversation about whether white people should celebrate Juneteenth. Again. I'm always going to celebrate liberation. But I'm not going show up at the BBQ. I'm going to celebrate quietly.