I've been watching the new shows and new seasons of shows to see if there'a anything I want to watch. You would not think it would surprise me to see fat jokes but it seems like there are more than ever. It's not like there are lots more fat characters. Just the jokes.
For example, The New Normal is really good. The little girl does a Grey Gardens impression (a bit of which can be seen here) that is off the hook. The other character in that scene makes quite a few comments about not wanting to be fat or not wanting a fat baby. He's actually kind of cool in many respects but the fat thing wears on me a bit. It's not exactly mean. It's not even direct. It just pops up again and again.
New Girl has the same kind of not exactly mean but surprisingly frequent fat joke. One character wears a fat suit from time to time because he was formally fat. I really like the show. I like the wacky rhythm of the dialog. In the season opener one character tells the other to stop looking at her like she's a fat kid on a bicycle.
Um.
Huh?
I mean really, what does that mean? Is it like fat kids should do more exercise but they look stupid on a bike? I just don't get it.
From time to time I watch a few minutes of Mike and Molly, which is still full of mean humor fat and otherwise.
Glee has a new fat character. She is the mother of a new show choir member so not a central character and to be fair the fat jokes get pushed back on.I often have mixed feelings about how fat gets represented on Glee. The daughter responds to the fat jokes by saying you don't know her. You don't know about her life.
That. That is exactly what I'm always trying to say. So that was cool.
There's a video going around the web today. It's cool enough. There was post on Jezebel ( I think) (can't find it now) which got a similar amount of attention in which the writer also acknowledges she is fat with a nod to the idea that it's a bad thing. Smacking down bullying is great. But hey. How about some push back on the idea that fat is something that draws bullying. I mean it's obviously something that happens. But why?
Someday I'd like a fat joke to fall on the floor not because there shouldn't be fat jokes but because the fat joke just doesn't make sense to anyone. Instead there are these passive assumption laden snippets.
Good thing I like to read.
Tuesday, October 02, 2012
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Feed the Fish. Report the Cat.
I wrote a post earlier this month in which I talked about the feed-a-man-a-fish thing. It may have been mildly presentient because Ryan used it the other day when responding to a woman who said she couldn't get off welfare. He concluded by saying, "don't feed fish."
Um.
My title for the last post was intended to suggest that the news might outta report the cat who didn't get stuck in the tree. We need good news. And the book is replete with stories about stimulus success stories that were either unreported or misreported when in fact there were successes.
The NBC Education Nation stuff has been rather scatter shot and not much on the shows I watch during the week. I listen to more radio during the week. I did hear an interview with President Obama in which he said things that pissed me off and things that sounded right. In the book there is a short section on the states doing back flips to get stimulus money for their schools. I feel a little frustrated. I don't feel like I have a lot of answers. I'm not even sure I know what questions to ask.
I spend a lot of time thinking about how we talk. I'm interested in the things that are implied. I'm interested in the way things are framed. This political season is becoming tiresome. Full of bad faith. So I feel like I'm sifting and sorting and trying to simplify my own terms.
It takes all the running I can do to stay in one place.
Heh.
Um.
My title for the last post was intended to suggest that the news might outta report the cat who didn't get stuck in the tree. We need good news. And the book is replete with stories about stimulus success stories that were either unreported or misreported when in fact there were successes.
The NBC Education Nation stuff has been rather scatter shot and not much on the shows I watch during the week. I listen to more radio during the week. I did hear an interview with President Obama in which he said things that pissed me off and things that sounded right. In the book there is a short section on the states doing back flips to get stimulus money for their schools. I feel a little frustrated. I don't feel like I have a lot of answers. I'm not even sure I know what questions to ask.
I spend a lot of time thinking about how we talk. I'm interested in the things that are implied. I'm interested in the way things are framed. This political season is becoming tiresome. Full of bad faith. So I feel like I'm sifting and sorting and trying to simplify my own terms.
It takes all the running I can do to stay in one place.
Heh.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
The Cat Who Didn't Get Stuck In The Tree
I've been reading The New New Deal. Chris Hayes had the author on his show and said the book was full of things he didn't know,which is weird since he makes a living knowing about such stuff. The book is one long tick toc of the Obama administration with lots about the good, bad and ugly of the stimulus. My criticism of the book is that Grunwald obviously did tons of research and seems to have not wanted to leave anything out. Not. One. Thing. That said, the book is full of things I knew and things I didn't know and lays things out in a way that makes sense of what happened, when and why.
One of the things that I can't stop thinking about is a story in which Biden is visiting a bridge in Pennsylvania to see where some stimulus money will be headed and the bridge really needs the work. It turns out that a school crosses the bridge with bus fulls of students everyday so the work will be delayed until school is over. There are two things the administration wanted. They wanted the money to be spent successfully (as in fix stuff and create jobs) and they wanted it to be spent quickly so they can demonstrate that it worked. Political work is crazy like that. Tom Ammiano used to say that when good political negotiation is successful no one is happy. I'm paraphrasing but I understood him to mean that when you're trying to solve problems in which there are many stake holders compromise is essential and usually feels like nobody wins.
The book also documents the virulent Republican obstructionism but there were some Blue Dogs helping out. Inside the beltway is nasty. And then there's the media and what does and doesn't get covered. Most of his successes have not been covered. Someone, I think Tom Brokaw, said something like, "we don't cover the cats who don't get stuck in the tree."
Hmmm.
I've been listening to MSNBC's education nation stuff all day, which isn't wildly different than any other Sunday because it started on MHP and I always watch her. She spent most of her show giving voice to students, which was great. Then there was an hour with teachers and the last hour was about the movie Won't Back Down.
Educational policy is one area of Obama land where I step off. In the book it says he got some of how he feels when working in Chicago and seeing burnt out teachers in the inner city. I'm sure there are burnt out teachers. But I think trying to test them out of a job is mean. I'm not against having a way to assess the job they're doing. All jobs have that. I'm not against them being fired if they're not doing a good job. People who aren't doing their jobs lose their jobs. But first we need to ask if people have what they need to do their jobs. Teachers have been spending their own money on supplies for so long now it's become a norm. Teachers in the inner city may have students who can't see the board because they've never been to an eye doctor and couldn't afford glasses. Students who may come to school hungry. Students who live with violence.
It's a complicated conversation but money is always in the mix. Them what has some and them what doesn't.
It bothers me that so much of the conversation focuses on bad teachers. It bothers me that union is villanized. The privatize everything crowd has too much too say.
Lot's of stakeholders. Nobody happy. And students pay the price. Politics is nasty.
And yet, there were great moments on the shows today. Students are fierce and teachers are fierce. On MLP one of the Little Rock Nine was in the house. So moving.
Sometime we hear about the cat who didn't get stuck in the tree.
One of the things that I can't stop thinking about is a story in which Biden is visiting a bridge in Pennsylvania to see where some stimulus money will be headed and the bridge really needs the work. It turns out that a school crosses the bridge with bus fulls of students everyday so the work will be delayed until school is over. There are two things the administration wanted. They wanted the money to be spent successfully (as in fix stuff and create jobs) and they wanted it to be spent quickly so they can demonstrate that it worked. Political work is crazy like that. Tom Ammiano used to say that when good political negotiation is successful no one is happy. I'm paraphrasing but I understood him to mean that when you're trying to solve problems in which there are many stake holders compromise is essential and usually feels like nobody wins.
The book also documents the virulent Republican obstructionism but there were some Blue Dogs helping out. Inside the beltway is nasty. And then there's the media and what does and doesn't get covered. Most of his successes have not been covered. Someone, I think Tom Brokaw, said something like, "we don't cover the cats who don't get stuck in the tree."
Hmmm.
I've been listening to MSNBC's education nation stuff all day, which isn't wildly different than any other Sunday because it started on MHP and I always watch her. She spent most of her show giving voice to students, which was great. Then there was an hour with teachers and the last hour was about the movie Won't Back Down.
Educational policy is one area of Obama land where I step off. In the book it says he got some of how he feels when working in Chicago and seeing burnt out teachers in the inner city. I'm sure there are burnt out teachers. But I think trying to test them out of a job is mean. I'm not against having a way to assess the job they're doing. All jobs have that. I'm not against them being fired if they're not doing a good job. People who aren't doing their jobs lose their jobs. But first we need to ask if people have what they need to do their jobs. Teachers have been spending their own money on supplies for so long now it's become a norm. Teachers in the inner city may have students who can't see the board because they've never been to an eye doctor and couldn't afford glasses. Students who may come to school hungry. Students who live with violence.
It's a complicated conversation but money is always in the mix. Them what has some and them what doesn't.
It bothers me that so much of the conversation focuses on bad teachers. It bothers me that union is villanized. The privatize everything crowd has too much too say.
Lot's of stakeholders. Nobody happy. And students pay the price. Politics is nasty.
And yet, there were great moments on the shows today. Students are fierce and teachers are fierce. On MLP one of the Little Rock Nine was in the house. So moving.
Sometime we hear about the cat who didn't get stuck in the tree.
Monday, September 17, 2012
That Smirk
The day after I wrote the last post I woke up, turned on the radio and heard that Romney had said something badly timed, inappropriate and not true. It has happened often enough. It hardly felt like news. And then I heard the rest of the story. I was so angry. I started writing a post in my head about the responsibilities that come with free speech, which shifted to a post about that nasty little smirk of his, which shifted and shifted and shifted but was always a vent. I never sat down to write it.
I remember in the days after 9/11 feeling like I needed to be able to vent with people who shared my perspective and knowing that I also needed to learn everything I could so that I could talk with people who didn't share my views and not get lost in hyperbole. I feel the same way about the election.
I see and hear so much vitriol. And, frankly, there are days when I feel vitriolic. When I'm talking with people who I know share my perspective I go off. With abandon.
I don't have that many readers so I don't really need to worry that anything I write will be added to the public discourse in any big way but even in a small way I am uncomfortable being part of the din. It feels like everything can be taken out of context and misconstrued. Empirical data is ignored. And it's all very personal. I feel like it's all very personal. I just wish it weren't quite so ugly.
Even now I'm being abstruse. I don't really know why.
I assume Romney's concern for his perceived apology for American values was about freedom of speech. And I actually always defend the rights of people to say what they will even when it's stupid, ugly and hateful. I'd rather hear what you have to say and know how you see things. The film that lit the fire in this theater might not be covered in our right to free speech. At the very least it warrants condemnation. I have a friend who expressed judgement that such violence could occur as a reaction to a film. And then they saw the film.
There was a lot to parse last week. Protests in many countries were talked about as one thing. In fact there were differences.
In so many of the big protests here, protests with thousands of peaceful protesters, there is so often a few people doing some amount of property destruction and some amount of violence. And SO often that's the way the event is shown on the news. Some of what's happening in the Middle East is like that. Many of the people, maybe even most have never seen the movie. Some of what happened was probably organized terrorism that might have been the same if the movie had never been made. The real questions are about why people are so angry. People are angry here. I'm angry. The movie made me angry. The violence made me angry. The political opportunism made me angry. And that smirk. That smirk really made me angry.
People are tired and hungry and unemployed and frustrated and want leadership and problem solving. People want to be understood. Maybe what we want the most can never be addressed by an election.
Occupy is one year old. Rumors of its death are greatly exaggerated. There is a political conversation, a problem solving conversation happening in the streets.
Today brings a new wave of bad faith. I turned it off for awhile. I'm watching Rachel and then I'm going to do the dishes, put on my pajamas, watch something fictional, read something fictional. Let it all go.
I remember in the days after 9/11 feeling like I needed to be able to vent with people who shared my perspective and knowing that I also needed to learn everything I could so that I could talk with people who didn't share my views and not get lost in hyperbole. I feel the same way about the election.
I see and hear so much vitriol. And, frankly, there are days when I feel vitriolic. When I'm talking with people who I know share my perspective I go off. With abandon.
I don't have that many readers so I don't really need to worry that anything I write will be added to the public discourse in any big way but even in a small way I am uncomfortable being part of the din. It feels like everything can be taken out of context and misconstrued. Empirical data is ignored. And it's all very personal. I feel like it's all very personal. I just wish it weren't quite so ugly.
Even now I'm being abstruse. I don't really know why.
I assume Romney's concern for his perceived apology for American values was about freedom of speech. And I actually always defend the rights of people to say what they will even when it's stupid, ugly and hateful. I'd rather hear what you have to say and know how you see things. The film that lit the fire in this theater might not be covered in our right to free speech. At the very least it warrants condemnation. I have a friend who expressed judgement that such violence could occur as a reaction to a film. And then they saw the film.
There was a lot to parse last week. Protests in many countries were talked about as one thing. In fact there were differences.
In so many of the big protests here, protests with thousands of peaceful protesters, there is so often a few people doing some amount of property destruction and some amount of violence. And SO often that's the way the event is shown on the news. Some of what's happening in the Middle East is like that. Many of the people, maybe even most have never seen the movie. Some of what happened was probably organized terrorism that might have been the same if the movie had never been made. The real questions are about why people are so angry. People are angry here. I'm angry. The movie made me angry. The violence made me angry. The political opportunism made me angry. And that smirk. That smirk really made me angry.
People are tired and hungry and unemployed and frustrated and want leadership and problem solving. People want to be understood. Maybe what we want the most can never be addressed by an election.
Occupy is one year old. Rumors of its death are greatly exaggerated. There is a political conversation, a problem solving conversation happening in the streets.
Today brings a new wave of bad faith. I turned it off for awhile. I'm watching Rachel and then I'm going to do the dishes, put on my pajamas, watch something fictional, read something fictional. Let it all go.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Our Best Thoughts
For most of my early adult life I was registered Independent. I don't remember when but there was a primary in which I wanted to vote and I registered Democrat. It is true that I am more in agreement with the Democratic party most of the time but I'm not really a party loyalist.
I made it through both conventions although I didn't listen to as much of the Republican. I did enjoy many of the Democrats but I had wasn't loving all of it.
I've been writing this post in my head for a few days but today it coalesced in a different way. When I woke up MSNBC was rebroadcasting footage from 9/11. It took me back. I was lucky because Dean was here. I wanted him to know what was happening but I didn't want him to worry about things. When he was here I let him have control of the remote but when he was at his internship I had the television on muted, the radio on and I was jumping all over the Internet. Manic. My desire to protect him kept me from being too crazy. When he arrived I went to his gate to meet him but when I took him back to the airport to go home I watched him going through the new security system. Two years ago I watched my then 84 year old mother being patted down. Last year they would no longer let me go to the gate with her.
Watching the Democratic convention I felt the shadow of 9/11. I'm not comfortable with militarism and flag waving. I realize I live in a world where the military is needed and I am comfortable with the expressions of gratitude for the troops. I want them and their families to have all the support they need and want. But the wars have been abstractions. We were attacked by a rich kid from Saudi Arabia and now we dance on his grave.
Fairly early in life I lost faith in institutional politics. But I know I know I need to participate. I need to be informed. I need to vote. I need to stand with the people who I support, like the teachers in Chicago. The singers in Wisconsin. I am whole hearted in that support. I've rarely been able to vote whole heartedly.
I was whole hearted when I voted for Obama four years ago and I will be again this November. But not because I love everything he's done. I like a lot of it. I had my third party fling in the first Nader run. It felt great but I live in California. I didn't need to worry that my vote was going to disappear.
I wish we had a viable third party. I wish we had more than three. I wish everything weren't so hyper and exaggerated. I wish there was more grounded problem solving. I wish I didn't feel hostage to the process. It's complicated and frustrating.
So today is a day to close our eyes and take a breath and send our best thoughts to the families who are mourning their losses. That makes sense. That feels right. Dean is now a lovely young man with a beautiful girl friend. The women who acted as his midwife passed away last week. A day to close our eyes. Take a breath. And send our best thoughts.
I made it through both conventions although I didn't listen to as much of the Republican. I did enjoy many of the Democrats but I had wasn't loving all of it.
I've been writing this post in my head for a few days but today it coalesced in a different way. When I woke up MSNBC was rebroadcasting footage from 9/11. It took me back. I was lucky because Dean was here. I wanted him to know what was happening but I didn't want him to worry about things. When he was here I let him have control of the remote but when he was at his internship I had the television on muted, the radio on and I was jumping all over the Internet. Manic. My desire to protect him kept me from being too crazy. When he arrived I went to his gate to meet him but when I took him back to the airport to go home I watched him going through the new security system. Two years ago I watched my then 84 year old mother being patted down. Last year they would no longer let me go to the gate with her.
Watching the Democratic convention I felt the shadow of 9/11. I'm not comfortable with militarism and flag waving. I realize I live in a world where the military is needed and I am comfortable with the expressions of gratitude for the troops. I want them and their families to have all the support they need and want. But the wars have been abstractions. We were attacked by a rich kid from Saudi Arabia and now we dance on his grave.
Fairly early in life I lost faith in institutional politics. But I know I know I need to participate. I need to be informed. I need to vote. I need to stand with the people who I support, like the teachers in Chicago. The singers in Wisconsin. I am whole hearted in that support. I've rarely been able to vote whole heartedly.
I was whole hearted when I voted for Obama four years ago and I will be again this November. But not because I love everything he's done. I like a lot of it. I had my third party fling in the first Nader run. It felt great but I live in California. I didn't need to worry that my vote was going to disappear.
I wish we had a viable third party. I wish we had more than three. I wish everything weren't so hyper and exaggerated. I wish there was more grounded problem solving. I wish I didn't feel hostage to the process. It's complicated and frustrating.
So today is a day to close our eyes and take a breath and send our best thoughts to the families who are mourning their losses. That makes sense. That feels right. Dean is now a lovely young man with a beautiful girl friend. The women who acted as his midwife passed away last week. A day to close our eyes. Take a breath. And send our best thoughts.
Monday, September 03, 2012
Fish
I've been making an effort to understand economics. It's hard because I have no interest but Ezra Klein and Chris Hayes make such heroic efforts to simplify things I feel I should try to keep up. I also heard the writer of a book about Keynes and Hayek that sounded interesting.
At some point in the middle of my economic musing I remembered the "feed a guy a fish and you help him for a day, teach a guy to fish and you help him for a life time" thing. What is that? A parable? It sounds like a simple truth. Teach people how to help themselves and you make their lives better. But it assumes so much. It assumes everyone lives near a place to fish and everyone has the physical ability to fish and everyone can learn at the same level and the person won't starve in the time it takes to catch the dang fish. Feed people. And then teach them. And find ways for them to be part of the process. Like maybe they can't fish but maybe they can set the table.
It seems to me that all of the posturing on economics is over simplified and full of assumptions. One side claims ownership on the people who work for what they have in life and portrays the other side as feeding people, keeping them weak and dependent. The other side claims to be on the side of the worker and their rights but they're holding a convention in a place that's owned by a bank and has no unions. And really, there are way more than two sides.
The Keynes Hayek debate was in part about whether government can do anything about the economy. I'm not sure it can. I'd vote for lots of infrastructure jobs paid for by government. That's one of the things we need to do as a community. But I'd vote for fish dinners until everyone has had enough to eat.
The thing I retained from the author's talk about his book was that Keynes and Hayek wrote each other two letters a day for years. Such passion.
I think there was an old dictum: from each according to his ability to each according to his need. May be Socialist? Or Commie? I don't know but it works for me. I feel like what we can do is make sure no one is hungry and the figure out what they can learn to do. And government is a place where we could organize all that. There's no evidence that we can do that but I think we could.
There are sound bites flying. Even the ones I agree with trouble me because they seem so beside the point.
In a post about economics I haven't mentioned any numbers.
Hmmmm.
At some point in the middle of my economic musing I remembered the "feed a guy a fish and you help him for a day, teach a guy to fish and you help him for a life time" thing. What is that? A parable? It sounds like a simple truth. Teach people how to help themselves and you make their lives better. But it assumes so much. It assumes everyone lives near a place to fish and everyone has the physical ability to fish and everyone can learn at the same level and the person won't starve in the time it takes to catch the dang fish. Feed people. And then teach them. And find ways for them to be part of the process. Like maybe they can't fish but maybe they can set the table.
It seems to me that all of the posturing on economics is over simplified and full of assumptions. One side claims ownership on the people who work for what they have in life and portrays the other side as feeding people, keeping them weak and dependent. The other side claims to be on the side of the worker and their rights but they're holding a convention in a place that's owned by a bank and has no unions. And really, there are way more than two sides.
The Keynes Hayek debate was in part about whether government can do anything about the economy. I'm not sure it can. I'd vote for lots of infrastructure jobs paid for by government. That's one of the things we need to do as a community. But I'd vote for fish dinners until everyone has had enough to eat.
The thing I retained from the author's talk about his book was that Keynes and Hayek wrote each other two letters a day for years. Such passion.
I think there was an old dictum: from each according to his ability to each according to his need. May be Socialist? Or Commie? I don't know but it works for me. I feel like what we can do is make sure no one is hungry and the figure out what they can learn to do. And government is a place where we could organize all that. There's no evidence that we can do that but I think we could.
There are sound bites flying. Even the ones I agree with trouble me because they seem so beside the point.
In a post about economics I haven't mentioned any numbers.
Hmmmm.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Kind of a Tumble
I'm not writing.
Obviously.
Well. I mean. I am now but I haven't been.
My inner world has been kind of a tumble and I write from my inner world. Sometimes I write in response to an event. I got a lot of mileage from some reading but my reading is a tumble as well. Mostly magazines and a fiction that I'm enjoying but isn't stirring up any thinking.
It was different when I was in school. There was always something I needed to be writing. Class work. The book. It was something that needed to get done. Like washing the dishes, or dusting. Not exactly mindless. Certainly fun. Most of the time. Four years for the BA and two for the MFA. Writing was a constant.
There's a Sufi saying. Know. Dare. Will. And be silent. I don't know much and I'm not at all daring. I'm usually only willful when I'm resisting something. And for most of my life I was almost incapable of silence. I love to talk. I love good conversation. It's still true but it doesn't happen very often.
And really. When I'm in a tumble it's better to be silent. If I've learned anything from the last decade of depression I've learned that people get tired of hearing about it.
I return again and again to the Moyers talk with Parker Palmer in which Palmer coined the phrase "negotiating the tragic gap." In my understanding he was talking about the point in life when you become aware of what you can not have, or accomplish. Like ... I'll never have a child. I kept hope alive until I was literally out of eggs. I was never in a solid enough situation financially to have supported a child. I'll never have that. I think sometimes we ( I ) give up on things too soon but age does draw a few hard lines.
Palmer says depression can be a way of pressing you down out of delusion and into an acceptance of reality. This has way more resonance for me right now.
I think there is useful information available when enduring depression.
But it sucks the language right out of me.
I'm pretty much over the series of unfortunate events. I've been able to get to the pool. I'm sleeping better. I've had some wonderful nights of sleep. I've never been able to construct gratitude but I am often grateful. I sit at my desk in a circle of plants. Green and alive. Leaning toward the light until they begin to bend over. And then I turn the pot and they lean the other way. I'm OK. But there are things I'm trying to accept. Things I probably have to accept. It's not going well. I't kind of a tumble.
Obviously.
Well. I mean. I am now but I haven't been.
My inner world has been kind of a tumble and I write from my inner world. Sometimes I write in response to an event. I got a lot of mileage from some reading but my reading is a tumble as well. Mostly magazines and a fiction that I'm enjoying but isn't stirring up any thinking.
It was different when I was in school. There was always something I needed to be writing. Class work. The book. It was something that needed to get done. Like washing the dishes, or dusting. Not exactly mindless. Certainly fun. Most of the time. Four years for the BA and two for the MFA. Writing was a constant.
There's a Sufi saying. Know. Dare. Will. And be silent. I don't know much and I'm not at all daring. I'm usually only willful when I'm resisting something. And for most of my life I was almost incapable of silence. I love to talk. I love good conversation. It's still true but it doesn't happen very often.
And really. When I'm in a tumble it's better to be silent. If I've learned anything from the last decade of depression I've learned that people get tired of hearing about it.
I return again and again to the Moyers talk with Parker Palmer in which Palmer coined the phrase "negotiating the tragic gap." In my understanding he was talking about the point in life when you become aware of what you can not have, or accomplish. Like ... I'll never have a child. I kept hope alive until I was literally out of eggs. I was never in a solid enough situation financially to have supported a child. I'll never have that. I think sometimes we ( I ) give up on things too soon but age does draw a few hard lines.
Palmer says depression can be a way of pressing you down out of delusion and into an acceptance of reality. This has way more resonance for me right now.
I think there is useful information available when enduring depression.
But it sucks the language right out of me.
I'm pretty much over the series of unfortunate events. I've been able to get to the pool. I'm sleeping better. I've had some wonderful nights of sleep. I've never been able to construct gratitude but I am often grateful. I sit at my desk in a circle of plants. Green and alive. Leaning toward the light until they begin to bend over. And then I turn the pot and they lean the other way. I'm OK. But there are things I'm trying to accept. Things I probably have to accept. It's not going well. I't kind of a tumble.
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