Despite the many many crushes I had there were really only three that I felt were real. The first being in high school when everything and nothing is so real. Might be another story but the one I want to tell today happened during the whole rebirthing/guru time. I first became aware of the guy when I read something he wrote about rebirthing and felt connected to him. It was a light fun feeling. I met him on the seminar circuit. The first time may have been in San Francisco. He was hella cute.
After my trip to India I went to a rebirther's convention near Aspen. There were a lot of things that happened during the convention and I was overwhelmed. The last night I was sitting beside a small stream. Feeling so many things. I was always sort of praying/talking to Baba in my head. I had the thought that I was ready for a partner. I heard a whistle. I looked up and there he was. Standing on a bridge that crossed the stream.
Seriously, there were so many cinematic moments in my life at that time. I'm sitting here shoveling left over cauliflower, chicken and farro from a bowl into into my mouth wondering where the cinematic moments went.
Anyway.
We sat there and talked a little. It was months before I saw him again.
I saw him off an on for about a year. I'm not sure I have the time line down. I remember lots of deep conversation in the time I knew him. There was a spiky quality between us. He was always trying to be the enlightened one. He was so funny and interesting. But he wasn't my guru. He played guitar. I can't convey how intense it all was and how connected it felt. He was really funny. We laughed a lot.
One day I came home. I didn't lock my door at that time. His duffel bag was in my apartment.
OK.
I came home a few days later and it was gone.
We had a terse conversation on the phone and I never saw him again.
I called him once. It felt stupid.
Ouija boards, dates and boys on bridges. Romance can be very confusing.
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