Sunday I ate my fruit and yogurt. Did my yoga. Made my coffee, which I enjoyed with a cardamon roll. Checked in on Facebook and Twitter. Tried to read. Could not concentrate. Checked in again. I try not to watch the news on the weekends but I had to turn it on. I spent the rest of the day immersed. Watching, listening, reading.
I saw police officers pulling down the mask of a young man and shooting him with pepper spray.
I saw police officers taking a knee.
I saw police officers arresting media.
I saw police officers walking with the protesters.
I saw police officers kicking, shoving and punching.
I saw police officers hugging.
I saw police officers shoot rubber bullets at people standing on their porch.
I saw police officers shove down an old man with a cane.
I saw police officers from the same unit help that old man up.
I saw police making things much worse.
There are good cops and bad cops. That is true. I'm not trying to imply there is any kind of balance. The problem is in the system. Black people. All people. Cannot rely on whether or not a person is good or bad. We have to have systems of accountability.
I saw protesters.
I saw looters.
Two separate groups.
I saw how the police were so well protected. Bullet proof vests, helmets with face shields, shields, batons, tear gas, mace, tasers, guns. Ready for battle.
I saw pictures of nurses and doctors with limited personal protective equipment in another kind of battle.
I saw white people standing between black people and the police.
I saw black men stand between the crowd and a police officer who had been separated from other officers.
I saw two white girls, dressed in black with black masks (and what looked like a white leather back pack) spraying graffiti. I saw a young black woman begging them to stop. Telling them they would not be blamed - black people would be.
I saw them ignore her.
I saw people telling black people how to feel and act and express themselves.
I saw people telling white people how to feel and act and express themselves.
I saw a group of mostly young people walking down my Oak Street carrying signs.
I have all the feelings. And I'm worried about the seemingly inevitable Covid surge.
The media only seems to be able to do one thing at a time and they are (rightly) focused on the protests. Not much talk about the other crisis we are living in. Not much talk about unemployment.
People don't like complexity. People like simplicity. I like simplicity. But things aren't always simple. and we are shattering.
I don't have advice.
I don't have perspective.
All of the things I saw and heard and read are spinning in me. I'm writing to process it all. I'm writing because I need to write.
Today started out much the same in my bubble. Cereal. Yoga. Coffee. English muffin.
I was able to read a little bit but the news is back on.
Because I need it to be.
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