Ophelia

 There's a painting of Ophelia in which she is lying in a river in an ornate dress, holding a flower and (according to the story) singing while she becomes submerged and drowns. I've been thinking about that painting all week while my body reacted to the antibiotics I'm taking for an infection in a cracked tooth. The tooth itself has hurt worse. Now it just aches and throbs every once in a while. All week I've been under a blanket, mostly with my eyes closed. I've been either mildly queasy or fully nauseated. Too sick to sleep. I just lay there. Not in an ornate dress. I've been in my pajamas all week. Not the same ones. We know I love pajamas and have a bunch. I'd take a shower every day and put them back on. I was not singing. No flower. I felt like I was on the surface, floating, on the verge of submerging. 

When I could keep my eyes open I watched a lot of Marvel movies. Not my usual fare but my brain wasn't processing and I found them oddly comforting. I don't love big fight scenes in which cars are flipping over but I could close my eyes during those. 

Superhero narratives follow different paths. Some come by their powers naturally (Thor, Black Widow) and some get them because something weird happens (Spiderman, the Hulk.) I like when they question their power. Banner tries to keep the Hulk suppressed. Thor is humbled when his dad (sort of) disowns him. He finds humility and his power is restored. The Avengers are always fighting with each other until an outside threat looms. I love when people come through for themselves and other people. That's what I find comforting. 

In the past I've watched Black Panther because of the representation. I've watched Dr. Strange. Benedict Cumberbatch. I've watched Wonder Woman but that's a different group. I'm never going to buy the comics (although I am tempted by the ones Ta Nehisi wrote) but some of these movies are well written, funny and better than submerging. I do love seeing Stan Lee cameos. 

I jacked up on coffee to watch the inauguration. The next day things were much worse. I took the last pill this morning and was miserable until now. Mid afternoon. Things should clear up. The tooth comes out on Wednesday. 

Tomorrow. I'll put clothes on.