Little Story #24 - 65

In the last month of the mommie's pregnancy she saw some spotting. It wouldn't have necessarily been a big deal but she'd had one miscarriage and was nervous. She went to the (Catholic) hospital where the nuns told her the doctor was there so she might as well have her baby. She's not clear about if they induced. She doesn't remember drugs or labor. She just wanted to go back to sleep and then I was born. I was a month early. I weighted five pounds. The doctor said if I gained weight I could go home. If I lost weight I'd need to be in an incubator. I really wanted to go home.
During the rebirthing years I picked my birth story apart. I'd been kicked out of my first home so I had trouble relaxing into any place I ever lived. In the last month of pregnancy a baby gains weight. I hadn't been able to do that so I gained weight. I didn't want to be in the incubator so I gained weight. I hadn't been able to work my way out of the womb so I give up and wait for help. Maybe all this is true and maybe it doesn't matter. I like thinking deeply and I like analyzing. I like inner work. I think it's important to try and understand why you are who you are. And then it's important to learn how to hold that story.
I heard a story on one of the podcasts I listen to about a woman being taken away from her children. It may have been Nazi Germany or Russia, I don't remember. She looked back at them and said - never lose your sense of humor. For me that story holds the idea that terrible things are going to happen. You're going to experience terrible things. You're going to need to grieve them, rage about them and you're going to need to hold them. A sense of humor really helps.
I am 65 years old. How? Did? That? HAPPEN????? I'm on social security and Medicare. I use a walker. My chin looks like my grandmother's chin. I mean. How? Did? This? Bleepin? Happen? To ME!!!!
You really need a sense of humor.
People are going to say happy birthday and I'm going to smile and say thank you. It's hard to be happy right now. The current administration keeps me in a constant rage. The endless wars in Yemen and Syria. Palestinian apartheid. The news last night made me feel like I was going to explode.
For today I'm going to narrow my focus.  I'm going to go swimming with Gayle. I'm going to get a massage from Guy. I'm going to dinner with Mandy, Jane, DeAnna and Gayle. I'm going to have a martini, steak and fries, a glass of red wine and chocolate cake. I'm going to settle into my senior citizenship. I have no idea what I mean by that.
I guess we'll see.