Saturday, March 24, 2012

Fat Like Me

 A few times when Mom was here she said something about not understanding why I was as fat as I am because she didn't think I ate enough to be to be this fat. Of course other times she said I was fat because I ate two eggs for breakfast. She eats one. I was recounting these conversations to Jane when she visited and she said she's never believed I eat enough to be the size I am.
There are two things that are true. I eat what I eat and weigh what I weigh so what I eat is enough to be the size that I am. But it doesn't seem like I eat that much.
I've met fat vegetarians and fat vegans. I've met fat people who aren't that interested in food. I've met fat people who feel food addicted and tell stories of obsessive and manic consumption. I've met fat people who love to cook and fat people who hate to cook. I've met fat people with health conditions that require hyper food monitoring. When you see a fat person you  DO NOT know how they eat. It is not simple. If I could make one difference in how fat people are perceived it would be to get people to understand this.
Sometimes when I read a new article about the evils of obesity I remember Eugenics. Science forms a hypothesis and then sets about to prove it true. And truth likes to be absolute. But fat bodies are not absolute.
There are truths in most ideas. I nod in agreement when I hear reports about hidden salts and sugars and the general horrors of processed food. I've seen the big gulp cups and the full meal deals. There may well be a general truth to if we are and why we are more fat. But it's not an absolute truth. It's not my truth.
For a fairy long time in my life I thought of myself as not like other fat people mostly because of the way I eat. And I've always walked. My working life was physically active for many years. I wasn't like those big gulp couch potatoes. But I am in one very specific way. I am fat.
I don't feel like I am unfairly fat. I eat what I eat and I weigh what I weigh. My life. My body. My truth. Being fat is not about merit or a lack there of. When you say nasty crap about fat people you're talking about me. Fat people who eat more than what I eat don't deserve your hate.
I wrote a post about my foodie identity. I love food. I love reading about food. I love cooking shows. I love cooking. My current obsession is kale. I eat huge bowls of it three or four times a week. Some people will read that and think something about the health of how I eat. Some will think about the pleasures of seasonal eating. Some people will be completely bored. Who cares if I eat kale?
Who cares if I eat two eggs?