This shit is on my mind all the time.
So I'm writing about it again.
In the last post I mentioned a story I've heard about a monk coming out of the mountains having meditated for a long time. He is full of peace and love and believes he is enlightened. As he walks into town he stubs his toe on a beggars bowl and becomes enraged. I like that story because it demonstrates how easy it is to feel peace and love when you're alone and how hard it is to keep feeling that way in the presence of others.
I saw Fran Lebowitz in conversation once. The other woman in the conversation was a very nice woman in pastel colors and sandals. Fran was in her cowboy boots, suit and tortoise shell glasses. Fran smokes. She wasn't smoking at the time but she smokes. The woman asked her if she wasn't worried about smoking in public. Wasn't she worried about annoying someone. Fran said - I don't think people understand the use of the word public. To be in public is to be annoyed.
I love Fran.
In that answer she demonstrated that her smoking may be annoying and it's very likely she is also being annoyed by something. In public we are in each others shit. The beggar wasn't trying to annoy the monk. He was just being a beggar. He had his bowl in place in hopes of a contribution. The monk stubbed his toe as a result of his own lack of awareness. So much for enlightenment.
I haven't smoked for almost twenty years. But I loved smoking. I miss smoking. I never mind walking through smoke on the street. I get that for non smokers it might be annoying. I don't really feel like the smoke in a public place is terribly dangerous for a non smoker. You're past the smoke quickly, generally speaking. It's just unpleasant. Non smokers (particularly ex-smokers) are infuriated by people smoking in public.
To be in public is to be annoyed.
Covid is different.
In Oregon we are in a phase one opening. What ever that means. There hasn't been a lot of enforcement of the rules before this. A friend reposted a post from a woman who owns a shop here. She said not many of the people who were in her shop yesterday had on masks. Most of the shops down town are small spaces. I think there's supposed to be a limit to how many people are in a shop but how are owners enforcing that? I'm not sure what that woman did about the people and the masks but it's ridiculous that she has to even think about it.
As I look out my window I don't see many masks. If people are walking down Oak street right now they are probably alone. They are in an open space. Does it matter that they don't have a mask?
This morning I looked out the window and saw a couple walking down the hill and a woman walking up. No masks. The woman appeared to be trying to walk around them. She was almost off the curb. The people made no effort to move. I don't know if she was trying to maintain distance but even if there was no epidemic wouldn't it have been polite to yield a little space?
I have often said - I hate people. Every time I have said it it was because of a lack of consideration or just bad faith behavior. This morning watching these people - no masks - no distance - no awareness - I felt angry. I felt hate. I turned back to my book and tried to let it go.
There are probably a lot of those moments happening. All over the place. In some percentage of them a person gets sick. In some percentage of them a person dies.
The governor when announcing the phase one said she was asking for people to be considerate. Has she been in public? The mayor of Hood River said this opening was for locals and not for people from out side. Is there anyone carding people? I don't see them.These "careful" openings are going to cause more spread because people are not considerate. And they are not paying any kind of price. Yet.
I feel a need to qualify and talk about the stories I've heard about people being kind and generous. I just don't have the energy for that right now. I've looked out my window too many times today.
A year (or much more) from now if we have more available and better tests, better ways to treat people who get sick, lots of PPE for the doctors and nurses and janitors and maybe even a vaccine will this anger and hatred go away? I'm not sure.
Maybe I should have taken second hand smoke in public spaces more seriously. I've just felt that we need to be have some tolerance and patience in public space. We need to know that we might accidentally kick someone's bowl and we need to have a ready sense of humor. We need to understand that we all have semipermeable boundaries and we may be a bit damaged being in the world with other people.
Now. I'm not sure.
There's a difference between being annoyed and being threatened.
At the moment I don't feel threatened. I'm in my nest with a bird's eye view. Oak street on a Saturday in May would usually be more crowded. I would glance out now and then and see people walking around. I wouldn't have many thoughts about them. Now I stew.