rewrite

 Yesterday I posted after months of not posting and it was so weak. Just as I started to write, a friend stopped by. Never happens. Twice a week friends stop by. Once in a while one of them stops by but usually later in the day. Then another friend called. Never happens. I don't focus that well so that much distraction shattered the little focus I had. I'm going to try a rewrite, 

Years ago, I saw Justin Hall on MSNBC talking about personal blogging. He was going around the country at the time trying to convince average people to have a blog and write about their life.

About that time a friend of mine sent me an article about Willa. Willa kept a journal online and a blog separately. I always thought that was so clear. I loved the journal. It was like a letter from an old friend. And she found the coolest things on her blog. 

They both did their own coding. I tried to learn code, but I just wasn't into it. I bought WYSIWYG software and started writing. Not at all sure what I was doing or even why. And I did stop once I started working at EA. 

I think some of the urge to put my life online comes from being lonely. I have made friends online. I may not have met them, but I love them as if I've always known them. 

But blogging is about writing. Which I wish I would do. 

This is a tiny bit better than yesterday, but I need to do this a lot more often. 

TicTok

 Two Years ago, I started posting on TikTok. I had been lurking and wasn't really connecting. I don't know why I jumped in. 

Before that there was Facebook, which is never really completely satisfying. Twitter. Shrug. Instagram, which I used to post pictures of soup. Before all of that was blogging. I loved blogging. Blogging is writing. I sometimes love writing. Heh. 

Blogging was also community. I had a blog roll of other people who I followed. I craved comments. And I built some muscle tone with writing. 

When I started working at EA I stopped writing. Partly because I didn't feel comfortable writing about the job or the people on the job and partly because of the commute, which was long and exhausting. I've tried to get back to some kind of regular writing, but I just don't get it done. 

My posts on TikTok are one to three minutes long. I do think before I post, and I do some editing. There are many ways it reminds me of blogging. There is community. 

But TicTok might get banned. I've been posting on Instagram, but it doesn't have the same feel.

I'm not sure what this urge to post on social media is but I am hooked. 

Resolutions

 I guess I could make a resolution about writing but that hasn't worked. I have a list of reasons about why I don't write. None of them seem solid. I'm just not. 

I don't really make resolutions. 

Which makes me wonder about myself. Do I have any goals? Intentions? Desires? 

There was something about reformatting my book. 

Reading Proust. 

There must be something.