Years ago (hard to remember how many) I went to NC to visit the mommie usually at the end of the year. One year she asked a friend to drive her to the airport to pick me up. She was always worried about driving. Later the friend told her that she didn't think much of me when she first saw me because ... I was so fat. After the long drive home she decided I was so well spoken and smart. The mommie thought this was so great. I had overcome the bad impression made by the size of my ass. I was furious. I doubt the experience with me changed that woman's reaction to fat people. She thought I was an anomaly.
I keep seeing jokes about the need to wear a mask at home so you don't eat too much. How hard it's going to be to get out of the sweat pants when this is over. One person, who I don't know well but have always had a good feeling about dropped one of those. Two people who I love and know love me have yammered about how much weight they're going to gain. One posted a really offensive video. I always wonder if they would say those things if I was standing there. And if so why?
I mean they're not talking about me, right? It's just a good natured little joke. Because ... gaining weight, being fat is ... always ... funny?
Really?
Why?
These are people who I have known for years. And, apparently, I have had no impact on. I am confident in their love. After all. I am so well spoken and smart. But they do not understand why making a fat joke is not OK. Not even a little OK.
I am supposed to have a good spirit in the face of this bullshit. I am supposed to understand. I am supposed to know what people mean.
What do they mean?
The other morning there was a public health (cough) expert on NPR talking about why fat people are more at risk for the virus. She had one of those sing song voices that hurt my teeth and I couldn't hold onto what she went on to say. It really made no sense. Then she went onto talk about why people of color were more at risk and I turned it off.
People of color are at risk because of decades of White supremacy. Full stop. That cannot be soft peddled or understood or accepted.
You can't hurt me if you make a fat joke. You can't shame me. I know the story of my body and I am not ashamed. You can hurt me when I realize that you do not understand that you contribute to negative ideas about being fat. And the tacit acceptance of those ideas creates bias. Cultural bias.
Understand this. My body is considered diseased before I cough. My body is considered diseased before I have a fever.
None of the people who made the jokes are fat. I've never known them to be fat. I doubt they can get particularly fat. Although, clearly, I have no sense of what being fat actually looks like. I'm not that smart.