It had been a nice day. I was able to swim, which is always a happy thing. When COVID first hit the club was closed. At some point it opened and we went swimming. The friend who gives me a ride had some problems and couldn't take me for a few weeks. Then she was able to take me again but the smoke hit. After a few days of staying out of it we went swimming anyway. We weren't really out in the smoke for long.
Things at the pool had felt safe largely because there was no one there. This week was a bit of a worry. More people. Not enough masks. I've been wondering if I need to stop going. But Friday was great. Mostly empty pool. Masks. The water felt great.
Later a friend stopped by with brisket from a new BBQ place across the river. I got a piece of white cake. Not something I would normally get but white cake by southern cooks is special. It was good. I had enough left of everything for the next day.
I forget what I was doing when I found out. Reading probably. I checked Facebook and saw that she was dead. Justice Ginsburg. She was gone.
I don't always react to the deaths of famous people. I felt sentimental and sad when John Prine died but I was not as done in as some of my friends. Famous people don't always feel close to me.
When John Lewis died I felt tore up. It's hard to say why with out sounding trite. He was an important historic man. He fought. He took the blows. And he stayed focused. And he was joyous. I love the videos in which he is dancing. His fight changed the world.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg changed the world. Again the words I have to describe my feelings feel too small. I would like to have just focused on the feeling of sadness. I would like to have mourned. But replacing her on the court has too many terrifying implications.
I resent how scared and angry I feel all the time. I resent how worried my friends are. Trump lost the popular vote by almost 3 million. He is in the office because of a political slight of hand that should have been done away with long ago. And he didn't even win by large numbers in the states where the electoral college gave him the presidency. His reaction was to look for voter fraud. He didn't find any.
The words I can use to describe him are all foul and take me out of my heart. I don't want to be out of my heart right now. I am grieving the loss of a great woman. I want to be in those feeling and not be distracted by rage.
And.
That's not where we are at.
My Facebook and Twitter feed are filled with the word fight. Because that is where we're at.
The peaceful trasfer of power has been with us since 1800 when the election was as fraught as the one we are currently about to have. Trump people like to talk about the founding fathers but I don't think they have any idea how fractious they were. They broke laws. They destroyed property. It wasn't like they just all agreed one day and life went on. They believed that the arguing they were doing was making the country better. Trump has made it clear that he has no interest in the peaceful transfer of power. I doubt he understand the concept.
So. We are all gearing up to fight.
We are worried about our votes being counted. We are worried about bad faith. Elections should be dignified.
That's not where we're at.
So. I will swim again. There will be more BBQ and white cake. Life will. Go on.
And I expect to feel rage for months.