Yesterday was a bad day. It doesn't matter why. The best part about it was that it ended.
And then Alan posted a link on Facebook. It's a long video and starts a little slow but I encourage you to watch it. Tavi pulled me out of the gloom. I read some of her blog and her on line magazine. She loves Joni, which in and of itself makes me happy. In a piece she wrote about Joni she articulates something so much better than I ever have.
I think for some people the most difficult thing is coming to terms with the fact that being happy will not come as easily for them as they feel it ought to, that just smiling will usually not be enough, that being sensitive and observant sometimes makes you feel more “in touch” with “life” or whatever, but most of the time it just feels like a burden, or like everyone else is in on some kind of joke that you’re taking way too seriously, and sometimes you feel like a brat because you can’t just accept how things seem to be, because you have to about it all and that just results in things always eventually being somewhat painful, and it sounds so pretentious, but it’s not like it’s thinking necessarily, it’s not like you’re better than anyone, it’s just that you’re curious about things, I guess.
Then I watched The Way, which is probably only good if you like Martin Sheen and/or spiritual journey stories. I enjoyed it but there was one character, a fat man from Amsterdam. Throughout the film he is full of life. Of course you eat the local food and of course you smoke pot and of course you drink wine. There is some reference to his weight but it's not util the end of the film that you realize how much of a problem it is for him. It wasn't a hateful portrait but it made me very sad.
It occurred to me this bad mood that started building a few days ago might be about Father's Day, which I kind of forgot. I had a father and a stepfather from whom I learned that it's possible for someone to love you and still take huge chunks of your heart and soul hostage. I learned that it's possible to love someone even when they've cut into you. And it's possible to forgive and not have to prove that you've forgiven by stepping in front of the knife again.
I know some wonderful fathers. I hope they get presents and food and whatever they want today.