A few nights ago my sinuses started to ache. It's a feeling that usually signals illness is about to hit. I made a huge glass of Throat Coat and went to sleep. Despite it's anatomically specific name Throat Coat is really soothing when your sinuses hurt. The next day I woke up determined to be well but knowing I wasn't. By 9AM I was back in bed. I spent the next two days wandering from the bed to the recliner to the bathroom with occasional stops in the kitchen for more tea. I was achy. Sleepy. Watery eyed. But it felt oddly good.
Remember when you were young and you were sick enough to stay home from school? Even if your body felt bad you were home, in bed or on the couch. You got Ginger Ale. Campbell's chicken noodle soup. To this day, despite my snobby tendencies when it comes to food, when I'm sick I want Campbell's chicken noodle soup. Salty. Mushy noodles. Odd chunks of (hopefully) chicken. Yum.
It was a reprieve. A day off. A day to be nobody doing nothing because you were too sick to do anything.
That's how I felt.
I've been very kind to myself. I do not push. Grief is physical as well as emotional. I've been allowing myself lots of rest. But this was different. This was the body pulling me in deep and keeping me still.
I was never terrible sick. I'm still a bit sniffley. My throat is still a little scratchy but I have more energy.
But I liked all that under the blanket time.