Wednesday, January 01, 2003

I remembered Rabbit Rabbit. Which is pretty good since I was woozy and nauseas from champagne and cheese at midnight. It was good. And dinner was great. I made a buerre blanc for the scallops. It’s such a classic sauce and so good.
I got to talk to Steve yesterday. A lovely long talk. We talked about his new disc, coming soon. It was just so good to talk to him
Right after our call I was in the office with Mom and she had lost a little thing for hanging a picture and she was pretty agitated while she was looking for it and she said, “Sometimes I think I don’t live right.” Kind of a drama queen. The idea that living right (whatever that means) might mean that you would never again loose a little bracket (which turned out to be stuck behind a piece of wood on the picture) is a little loopy.
The thing is … I’m the same way. I drop something and right away I think my day is going to shit. Steve and I were talking about how our Mom’s way of feeling in the world shaped some our own ways of feeling. When I’m watching Mom react with such extreme anxiety I think, “Chill out!” But I know I do the same thing.
So. More meditating.
I sat on the porch today and wrote in my other journal. It rained a lot last night and the world is shiny.
You know I always feel like, given the things that are going on in the world, being sad, mad, depressed, worried, anxious, is a sign that you’re paying attention. But people who can hold a sense of peace while being aware of all the problems seem to get more done. So I’m always trying to hold some inner thing, some place, some feeling of something like peace. Or acceptance. Or sumthin.

No comments: