Something happened last year during Mom's visit. I'm not sure exactly what. My theory at the time was that because I'd stopped wearing my shoes in the morning my legs weren't adjusting to the small heal on my shoes. I felt like I was pitched forward. My balanced was so bad that I fell while walking across the living room. And my living room is not very big. I didn't think I'd hurt anything but as time has gone on I've come to think I did do something to my right knee.
The shoe theory might not have been true or maybe it's just not the only thing. I have my shoes on as soon as I wake up and have had for months. My balance is better but still off. I also stopped going to the pool for reasons too numerous and boring to detail.
After Mom went home my pain level was increased and my balance was really bad. Getting to the pool has been painful for some time but getting home is much worse. Coming down a steep hill is worse than going up.
I've known for a long time that swimming is what's keeping me together. And I love it. But I couldn't face the pain.
So. I bought a scooter.
I picked it because I needed a scooter with a removable battery that I could recharge in my apartment. And I needed one that I could maneuver easily in and out of the building. It's really a great scooter. But it turns out that I'm weird. From the first time I got on it I freaked out if it picked up any speed.
I've managed to ride it up to the pool once. It took longer than it would taken to walk and coming home was just as difficult. The pain isn't all in my knees now it spreads all over my tense body. It took me two days to recover. This last Wednesday I was going to try again but I was awake the entire night freaking out. When morning came I was beat.
I'm really determined to get over this. I think there are physical elements like my balance and inflexible joints but I mostly think it's just fear.
I miss my pool.