Thursday, December 19, 2002

Mom & Ken are at a luncheon. The house is so quiet.
It really is beautiful here. The view from the office window is misty with rain. I think if I lived here I’d get very into bird watching. M & K seem to know the names of many.
I finished The Intuitionist. I liked it a lot. Now I’m onto Don’t Let’s Go To the Dogs Tonight.
I got to read a bunch of blogs today. I feel out of the loop. In some cases I don’t mind.
Ken is better every day. And that means he wants to do more every day. I’m trying to pull back and not run every time he tries to stand up. He’s a willful guy.
I’ve always had a lot of faith in talking. I work on how to say things. But it doesn’t always mean much.
There’s an old joke. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, first the light bulb has to want to change.
I’ve always wanted to change. But I have my own hippy lefty new age way of measuring self improvement. Mostly internal. The first thing I did that garnered praise from M & K was finish college. Nothing I had done before that seemed worthy. They have a way of measuring that comes from a different time.
It’s hard for me to relax when I can’t connect mentally and emotionally.
So I just do what I can do to be helpful and try to find time to read. I wish I could write more e-mails and blog more.
I feel so sad most of the time. Sad and tense.

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