Tuesday, December 10, 2002

I have this thing. Maybe it’s an ethic. Or something. I try to accept people for who they are and not who I need or want them to be. It does sometimes mean that there are people who I can’t really be around much. My relationships with my Mom & Ken are limited. And in many ways it can be boiled down to differences in personality. But we love each other.

I think, because I was an only child, I’m not used to fighting. I mean I think there is a normal banter that occurs between people who are close. Sisters and brothers carp at each other. And married people carp at each other. I have NO idea how much is just sort of … normal. I spend so much time alone. And I need a certain amount of time alone. Some of the ways people talk to one another seem so aggressive to me. And I don’t take it well. My Mom knows this.

When I was younger, just away from home, she & I had terrible phone conversations. She would carp at me and I would recoil. One day I just said that I wouldn’t call her and let her talk to me in that mean way. For a few years we struggled to find a way to talk to one another. Phone calls were tense. And then we began to talk about Days of Our Lives. I swear. It was the only soap opera I ever watched. And I only watched it for a while. I swear. It was great because the good guys were good and the bad guys were bad and there were always a few characters who we could argue about. It was safe arguing. They weren’t real people. Slowly we began to find ways to talk to one another. We worked pretty hard for the relationship that we have. But the relationship that we have is contained in a Saturday night phone call.

This is harder. And I think a lot of it is about me not understanding the ways in which (some ) married people relate. I get tense if they argue or seem to not understand one another. I feel like I need to mediate. Which isn’t true.

Ken has home health care coming in to give him exercise now. Mom & I went to the recycling center to take the built recyclables. Then I cooked chicken in mushroom gravy, mashed potatoes and asparagus. Now she’s in the kitchen baking me a chocolate cake. Isn’t that sweet? She made a mincemeat pie for Ken on his first night home. I know she’s tired.


I’m getting used to the time difference and tonight I actually have some energy. I snuck off to the office. I managed to get my lap top hooked up to their Internet access. And I got my blog roll back. And … I may get some time tonight.

I finished Life of Pi . Very cool. Now I’m working on The Intuitionist.

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